Have a Good Life

This month, we are talking about Culture. If you are not part of the How2be coaching, I would love to have you join us. We focus on one aspect of how to be a transformative principal each month through a newsletter, a podcast episode, a webinar, and a coaching session. For more information, check out jethrojones.com/how2be.

Today, we’re talking about Culture, and I’m going to use an example of a basketball coach who is building culture. Now, we know that we play sports to win. obviously, that is the purpose, but many people will tell you there are so many more reasons for playing sports. Health, fitness, exercise, team building, perseverance, grit, and so much more!

That is all well and good. IF it was all about winning, then we would have a lot of guys in the NFL say, “You know, I’m done with this, since we didn’t win the super bowl.” Nobody hangs it up because they don’t win the super bowl in a given year.

As a side note, Eric Weddle was called out of retirement to play safety for the Los Angeles Rams this year. He played 13 seasons in the NFL for three different franchises, and didn’t ever make it to the Super Bowl. But, he will be playing next week in that game for the first time in his 13 seasons and one bonus post-season.

So, sports is about a lot more than winning. We know that, but we still focus on winning.

My daughter is manager of the freshman basketball team. Her coach is teaching about a lot more than winning basketball games.

![[culture model.excalidraw]]

Culture is about what we believe, act, and say. Let’s examine each of these.

Believe

What do we believe? In the sports example with my daughter’s basketball coach, he believes that all kids have value and something to contribute. He said 45 freshmen boys tried out for the team, and he could only keep 15, and even that is too much sometimes! (Although with COVID, it’s been good to have a deep bench!)
But, he has my daughter as the manager.
When I ask him how he thinks the game went, he always says some things are coming together.
In a couple weeks, I’ll be talking with Lorea Martinez on this podcast about SEL and other things. One of the things we will talk about is that you cannot have thoughts without feelings. That applies here because what you belief will influence both your thoughts and your feelings.
She also argues that we need to teach these skills explicitly. While that’s a great idea, kids will learn so much more from what we model for them than what we explicitly teach.
Coach Mike is teaching the kids what he believes
As is often the case in basketball, tempers can flare, especially with missed calls and bad calls by the referees.

Act

How we act matters, and it sets the tone for the culture that we have. Coach Mike does yell sometimes, but because he believes that everyone can learn, he is patient and usually calm.
By having my daughter as a manager, he is signaling to the boys, their families, other teams, and the school that someone with a disability can contribute.
It’s 2022! You’d think we wouldn’t have to constantly emphasize that, but we do. A couple weeks ago a boy went home and told his mom (who later told us) “I think Katya (my daughter) is the most popular kid. She knows everyone and everyone says hi to her!”
My daughter is naturally outgoing and social, and loves everyone, and this strength of hers is compounded because she has found community.
One particularly tough game, our team was getting slaughtered. A parent said from the stands, “Try a different defense! This isn’t working!”
Coach Mike showed great humility in how he acted next. He nodded his head, and changed the defense the next time the other team had the ball.
Mike modeled in that moment how to be coached himself. Inside, maybe he was fuming, maybe he was grateful. Regardless, he humbly acted how he should when someone pointed out what was obvious. I’ve seen coaches harangue their players when they do something wrong and then act incredibly defensive when someone criticizes them.
In episode 470, coming out at the end of this month, Miriam Campbell touches on one of my favorite topics, which is teaching kids how to be adults. We are too shortsighted when we are preparing kids for the next grade level. That’s a waste of time. We need to teach them how to be the kind of adults we want them to be.
Do you remember the Anti-drug PSA from the 80s? I learned it from watching you dad!

How we act improves or impedes our culture. How we act teaches more than whatever we may teach explicitly. The “Do as I say, not as I do” and “Rules for thee, but not for me” idioms really do matter. People see how we act, and judge our culture based on that.

Say

What comes out of our mouths betrays what we believe and further emphasizes how we act.
You can’t have awful things coming out of your mouth and think you’ll have a good culture. We also need to be honest, though.
A vital part of coaching is identifying what someone is doing wrong. When we correct someone, we do need to do it in a way that is clear and that they can understand. And it’s not just about what we say, but also how we say it. Tracey Ezard, who’s podcast episode is coming out next week calls this Ferocious Warmth. We need to go back and forth and dance between the two approaches, ferocious and warm.
That doesn’t mean we go to the extremes, but we need to balance ferocity with warmth. It can sometimes be challenging, but it is the job of a successful school leader.

Bringing it all together

So what does this look like all together? Let me close out the sports analogy with my daughter’s basketball team. Towards the end of the season, Coach Mike told me that he had something special planned for my daughter and the other manager on the team. They were going to get a chance to play a visiting team.
Not only did Mike make this happen, he also scheduled it so it would be before their other game, and let parents know they could come early to watch it! He gave the managers a jersey, and they warmed up with the boys. They set the clock for 10 minutes, and the kids played a game.
This was a culmination because we saw how what Mike had believed, said, and how he acted played out.
The kids played a game, patiently giving the managers opportunities to shoot, and when they made baskets, as they both did, the cheers rang through the gym.
The power is that the kids. I saw how the culture of the team was playing out. Our team would go on to lose the game, but the kids won something more. Kindness, compassion, perseverance, patience, support, encouragement, and so much more.
Your culture matters. It is made up of so much, but it starts with what you believe, what you say, and how you act.
https://youtu.be/YnSAz8yCn70

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